|
|
by Rick Baker
On May 8, 2012
Self-Control: the battlefields where logic is outnumbered by emotions and desires.
It seems most people face a life-long war over self-control.
The battles about Self-Control happen on 2 fronts:
- The Desires Front: where short-term 'pain' fights & struggles with long-term gain
- The Emotions Front: where Logic alone and surrounded must face Emotions
The Desires Front
I am going to make this personal...I am going to talk about chocolate ice cream. I desire that. I desire it on scorching-hot summer days. And, I desire it on bitter-cold winter days. And, I desire it on many days in-between. I also desire healthy arteries and 36" belts. So, the battle lines get drawn. I can have and enjoy the chocolate ice cream today...or...I can have and enjoy good health in the future. Now, I know I could choose a compromise where I limit the amount of chocolate ice cream I eat; however, it is very hard for me to do that because I'm dealing with (1) chocolate and (2) ice cream. Self-control is the battlefield. Logic is surrounded by conflicting desires for and against chocolate ice cream.
The Emotions Front
One example: Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. I remember my parents teaching me that when I was a child. And, I believe I understood the underlying message. However, it took me a number of decades to be able to conquer my emotions to the point where I felt comfortable writing The Joys of Thick Skin & a Thin Skull. The logic is sound: there is no reason why criticism should cause injury or trigger negative emotions. Yet, for some people, likely for most people, it does. And, some people are born with, or develop at an early age, a natural tendency to experience the emotion of anger when they are criticized. I know that's the way I was. Self-control is the battlefield. Logic faces, its Goliath, Emotions.
by Rick Baker
On Apr 27, 2012
Thought Tweet #465 High self-esteem increases one's appetite for risk; appetite stimulates initiative.
The Thinking Behind The Tweet
If we work at maintaining high-enough-but-not-excessive self-esteem then we automatically build personal initiative. We also automatically gain more appetite for risk...and comfort with change. That's one little explanation of why it is important to have Thick Skin.
by Rick Baker
On Feb 10, 2012
Have you ever stopped to think about negativity?
I mean - have you ever set aside 30 minutes or so to consider what negativity does and the many forms negativity takes.
An Introduction to What Negativity Does
- It consumes and wastes our precious personal-energy.
- It is contagious, affecting one then infecting other people...wasting their personal-energies.
- If you believe in the Law of Attraction then negativity attracts more negativity and causes negative outcomes.
The Forms Negativity Takes
We do not have to think and do these negative things.
We do them because they are part of human nature. We do them because many of us were not born with the gift of self-monitoring and self-regulation....so, if we want to be less negative then we must learn how to do it. And, learning how to be less negative takes work and discipline. It is a skill.
Being less negative is a skill we can learn if we choose to.
by Rick Baker
On Sep 13, 2011
Here are some of the nuances of our thinking:
- Everybody lies, at least in certain situations and about certain topics - everybody lies!
- There are levels of lying...like little white lies, lies made in an effort to ease other's pain, manipulative lies, lies for the sake of secrecy or deception, and pathological lies.
- "Honey, does this new red dress make me look slimmer?" The person who answers that question may lie while intending to be kind and aiming for win-win. That sort of lie is a low-level lie. And that sort of lie may represent the best course of action in the given situation. The intent behind the lie is 'admirable'.
- Integrity, as we define it, allows for lies. Recall the last part of the definition: “When you make errors as you talk-walk-run you admit them and you strive to not repeat them”.
- But, our definition of Integrity does not allow for repeated lies where the intent behind the lie isn't 'admirable'...Integrity cannot exist where the intent behind repeated lies is deception or manipulation...i.e., win-lose. Our definition of Integrity allows for some of those win-lose lies. After all, as the saying goes, we are only human. Each of us makes mistakes. People say things and wish later that they could retract their words. An acknowledgement of their error when coupled with a true commitment to do better passes our ‘Integrity’ test.
And, our key point on the two closely-intertwined topics, Lies & Integrity: the onus is on the leader to set the standard.
The leader sets the standard by:
- Defining Integrity
- Incorporating Integrity into leading by example
- Having thick skin…it isn’t about you, it’s about them
- Having a thin skull…being open minded, observing others, taking care to minimize judging of others while maximizing understanding of others
by Rick Baker
On Jul 26, 2011
If I prick you, you better not bleed.
William Shakespeare wrote something near-opposite to that close to 500 years ago.
Shakespeare wrote, "If you prick us, do we not bleed?"
That question gets to the obvious point: people are people…we all bleed.
Sure we do.
And all that bleeding and all those stories about bleeding makes for great literature and theatre.
But…
Bleeding's not going to help you one iota if you are a business Leader.
Actually, if the Leader is going to be bleeding all over the place then that will likely put some people off. And, other people will play follow the Leader and they will start bleeding all over the place too. Other people, the shark-like people, will smell the…[never mind…that would be getting too carried away]
Here’s another way to look at it –
You're the Boss.
Some people are going to be pricking at you….take that as a given.
So, with that a given, thicken up your skin.
Accept the fact followers, at least from time to time, will challenge you, take some stabs and cheap shots at you, etc.
In fact, every once in a while followers will do some things to you that will be downright annoying!
Annoying to you if you have thin skin, that is.
Do not have thin skin.
Leaders: Take steps to ensure your skin is sufficiently thick.
PS: And, while you are working at that, also work at keeping your skull thin. That will help you keep an open mind...for example, to embrace other's ideas.
|
|